so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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