i think my mom watched the whole time
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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