dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
