"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
