You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
