i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
