There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
