normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
