I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I pour the whiskey from now on
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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