My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
