Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He passed out mid-signature
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
