Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
