you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize