So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
