oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
