umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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