I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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