I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
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You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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