she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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