Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I will pee on everything he values.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
