I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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