My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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