I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
