The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
