Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
