sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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