Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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