You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
