i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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