dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
