Someone shit on the floor
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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