Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
