Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
