I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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