I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
