he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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