Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
