Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
