You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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