I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
