apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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