Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
