turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
