i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
