I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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