I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
