I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
