Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
