fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
