There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
