just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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