Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
