Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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