my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
