Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
