what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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