UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
