This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
