Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
