Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
